By Victor Farinelli
Hello Folks. This is your resident dickhead back again to bring you a recap of this week’s episode from one of the most asinine shows on TV. Week three of Best Ink is pretty much like week two. For the flash challenge, the guest judges were Vanessa and Angela Simmons, founders of Pastry Brand fashionable footwear and apparel. The Simmons are daughters of Rev. Run from Run-DMC and nieces of Russell Simmons, co-founder of Def Jam records. The flash challenge was all about branding. So now tattoo artists have to brand themselves? What the fuck is that all about? Oh, I forgot, the last challenge was all about branding too. Kids; don’t do tattoos at home. But if you’re going to, use my Easy Glow Tattoo Pigment and custom “Brickhouse” coil tattoo machine...
The contestants were given a pair of custom Pastry sneakers to paint with “their brand.” I said it last week, and I will say it again: Teresa is a great painter. Her shoes were the best, hands down. But I guess they didn’t like her “brand.” The top two picked were D.J. and Ralph. The Simmons sisters said that they “understood their brand.” What a joke. In the end, Run-DMC nostalgia won out. D.J. won and Dumbass Derek started complaining about him winning. “He put a couple of stripes on the shoes and he wins.” Yes he did. Yours where shitty. D.J.’s were less shitty. Get over it.
(D.J.'s left and Ralph’s sneakers right)
For me personally, the elephant in the room was the rebel flag shoe that Brittany painted. African-American owned company? Confederate Flag? Does anyone else not see the major lapse in judgement on this? Maybe I am too sensitive to that issue. Sorry Brittany, I am throwing you under the bus on this one.
For the tattoo challenge, the contestants were forced to work in pairs with each of them tattooing one of two related people, so that, together, the two tattoos told a story. Stories and more stories. So of course, each of the “skins” had emotional stories for contestants to interpret. Queue sappy music... *weep*
Teresa, Derek and Ralph. There is not much to say. Dumbass Derek actually did a decent tattoo. Decent, mind you. Not great. Not good. Just decent. Ralph’s was not really that good, either, but there weren’t any better than them, so you gotta put someone on the top. Teresa came out on top this week and is safe from elimination for the next episode. She deserved to win. Her tattoo was the best, hands down. Most of the tattoo world does not want to acknowledge that someone on TV can actually do a good tattoo because that would be giving aid to the enemy. However, Teresa’s tattoo was nice and clean.
(Derek’s globe with wings)
(Ralph’s one legged bird and some kind of weird golem bird)
The bottom three this week were Dollarz, Jerod and Kelly. All three were horrid, but it was definitely a toss-up between Dollarz and Kelly on which was worse. In the end, the judges said that they did not want to see Kelly’s scratching another week and sent her home.
(Kelly’s flat-ass crapfest)
(Jerod’ POS with chicken legs)
(Dollarz...poor, poor Dollarz. What the hell, man?)
At the close of the episode Kelly said she is “definitely a great tattooer but not a great competitor.” What?! You suck balls, and I do not mean that in a good way. Your work is something that a 5th grader could draw. Shit, I can draw better than that, and I suck at drawing. Give it up. You are ruining people’s lives, and now you will ruin even more, since you have been on TV, and people will think you are a decent artist. You are a disgrace to the craft.
How many more episodes do I have? I thought I would get a kick out of tearing these cats a new one, but this is a little too easy. It is like fucking scratchers in a barrel: you are bound to hit one no matter how bad your aim is. It’s just sad. Very sad.
Best Ink Season 2 airs Wednesdays at 10pm (EST)/9pm (CST) on the Oxygen Network.
Victor is a blogger for Tattoo Artist Magazine and can be found at: http://www.facebook.com/victhortheviking.
Read more from Victor here: http://tattooartistmagazineblog.com/?s=Victor+Farinelli
Related TAM Blogs: