By Victor Farinelli “Tattoo Her What?!” or “I am a Tattoo Artist That Leads a Sheltered Life.”
So the big hub-bub about this episode is that a gal wanted to get a phoenix coming out of her tunnel of love. It seems that all the artists thought this was over the top. They played this little segment on every preview. Come on folks. This is old hat. Dave Lum was thinking shit up like this all day in the late 80s/early 90s - and much better ideas I might add. Steve “throw the horns” Tefft asked, “Where do they get these people?” I think that they are in every town. One just hasn’t popped in your shop yet Mr. Tefft...
Anyway, for the flash challenge this time around, the contestants actually had to tattoo a real tattoo. The judges picked two designs: a skull with a top hat and a lotus and waves. Oh yeah, I forgot to add that the guest judge was NBA star Matt Barnes, who has, how can I put this, some rather mediocre tattoos on himself. That makes me a little weary of his judging prowess. I said prowess. That is one of them $20-dollar words.
Anyhow, the winner of the skull with top hat round was Sarah “I gots big boobies and like to show off my cleavage” Miller and the winner of the lotus and waves round was “Big Daddy” Tray Benham. They faced off in round two with a gypsy girl tattoo. Tray’s was bold with some good lines and decent shading, even though the red in the background was a little weird.
Sarah’s was weak. Oliver was right on the money when he said that Sarah’s tattoo is a “stereotypical tattoo that will need to be redone in five years.”
Tray won the tattoo challenge and therefore got to pick his and the other contestants’ “canvas.” Seriously, Dave calls humans “canvas” on this fucking show. Sorta like soylent green: PEOPLE! CANVAS ARE PEOPLE!!!
Oh, I just wanted to let everyone know that Kay Kutta is a predator. I am not making a big reveal or anything. That is just something he says in every fucking episode. So I wanted to make sure that everyone knows. He has the hair for it. Don’t you have to register somewhere when you are a predator?
The tattoo challenge was new school. Hell, they should have all kicked ass in this. There were actually some pretty cool tattoos in this round. The top two were Sarah Miller and Jesse Smith. I figured Jesse would do well on this challenge because he is great at new school. The judges gave it to Sarah on this challenge. Both tattoos were well done, probably the best work I have seen come out of the contest so far.
Tattoo Baby even did a pretty decent tattoo. She did a pirate girl. However, I agree with the judges in that it was lacking some color variation. But it is a good tattoo.
The bottom two were Lalo Yunda and Nick D’Angelo. Lalo did a mermaid lady that was suppose to be a portrait of his client. When the judges went in to watch him tattoo, the camera panned down to his workspace and you see every color ever made in sitting on his tray. There were like 30 inkcaps full of ink on the fucking tray. Seriously!? He didn’t even use all the colors either!
Instead he makes the mermaid this funky baby-shit green. Oliver said that the “mermaid looks like she was trapped in an oil spill.”
Nick did himself in on this challenge. Granted his client was indecisive as all-get-out, so there was not much to work with. If he was in a normal shop setting he could at least told her, “I think you’re in the wrong shop.” But since this is who he was stuck with there is not much he could do. Even with what he was given the tattoo was pretty sad.
She wanted a sacred heart. The judges thought the flame coming out of the top looked like a used tissue. I think this is what did him in. The heart kinda looks like a tapered turd. You know, so your asshole doesn’t slam shut when you are taking a dump? I think you need to find a new line of work Nick. There is still time...
So Nick, if you are reading this, I think you may need to reevaluate your choice of a career. There is still time to become a race car driver or stunt man. You’re still young. But, hey I’m just a guy who likes to watch TV. What do I know?
Victor is a blogger for Tattoo Artist Magazine and can be found at: http://www.facebook.com/victhortheviking.
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